


Just a Little Human

by Silvarius



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Paul is a failboat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-02
Updated: 2014-03-02
Packaged: 2018-01-14 09:03:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1260703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silvarius/pseuds/Silvarius
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Paul's drunk and contemplating ways to beat the shit out of his plaster cast, as if it was the cause for everything bad that's happened lately. James helps him realize that yes, life sucks sometimes, but he isn't invincible. </p>
<p>All with just one word.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just a Little Human

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic for the hockey fandom. Short and sweet. Title is from the song Human by Christina Perri, which also inspired the fic. Here's to hoping Paulie heals up soon!

I glare at the hardened plaster now adorning my right arm, a testament to my absolute shit luck. If only it could see the dirty looks I'm giving it at the moment, maybe then, by some miraculous divine intervention, it could instantly heal my hand and I can pretend this was all a bad, concussion-induced nightmare.

It can't though -- it's a chunk of cream-colored plaster. A reminder that no matter how much effort I put into something, life always has to kick me in the balls and laugh in my face; at least, that's what it feels like, not physically but mentally.

Honestly, I don't know how much more of this I can take. To see your dreams crumble right before your eyes damages you in ways you never thought possible. I'm only now beginning to see this. Whether or not it's too late, I don't know. I know defensemen have a reputation for being stubborn, but maybe I'm just stupid as well.

"Paulie?"

I glance up to see James's blue eyes looking down at me -- his open, non-judgemental eyes that contain a hint of... something. Sadness? Disappointment? I can't fucking tell. He is wearing his glasses, and in their reflection, I see the dark circles under my eyes from jetlag and lack of sleep. Even my hair is a mess.

Yet James's eyes remain steady on mine, looking for answers to the unspoken questions I'm sure are floating around his brain under that fluffy hair of his.

He sits down next to me on the couch, the weight familiar, and takes the beer from me that I hadn't even realized I had been holding, placing it on the coffee table next to several other already empty bottles and wow, did I really drink that much?

"Paulie." It's not a question this time.

For some reason, I can't look at him now. The realization that I'm probably-most-likely-okay-definitely drunk or that I'm practically a living train wreck right now hits me hard. I'm not myself -- that quiet, robotic hockey player everyone expects me to be. Except, robots don't keep breaking bones and letting their team down. Robots don't let everything they have ever wanted slip right through their grasp. Guess, I'm not really a robot then. You would think with the amount of metal in my body by now, I might as well be. Then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. 

What the hell am I, then? A fuck up? Too much of an optimist?

James grasps my good hand tightly, trying to get my attention, I presume. "Paulie?" His tone is more urgent and I just want to yell at him for repeating my name. Does he not think I can hear him? Does he not understand that I want to be alone? Does he not understand that I can't be what he wants me to be, what everyone expects me to be?

His other hand brushes my cheek.

My resolve crumbles into dust.

When I meet his eyes, I finally realize what I'm seeing -- something I'm grateful for, something I've needed all along, but rejected because I was ready to give up. I almost let a mindless, plaster cast beat me like Sidney Crosby on a breakaway. That's not me and it never will be.

I squeeze back to let him know it's appreciated, that his strength is exactly what I need right now. It's what I'm always going to need.

I'm only human. There's only so much I can take before I break. Thankfully, James will be there to pick up the pieces and put me back together again.


End file.
